Baby
This page is dedicated to our family, beginning with Vincent.
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Weighing 6 pounds 10 ounces With Brown Hair and Blue Grey eyes He was 20.25 inches long. |
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We are happy to celebrate his arrival although his stay was so short. Vincent passed on April 7th after filling us with great love that will last forever. He remains in our hearts and thoughts.
Picture Gallery
To view Vincent's picture gallery click here.
Vincent's Life Story (in brief)
Vincent was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) (hlhsinfo.homestead.com) in utero at about 16 weeks. We learned he would need either a heart transplant or a series of 3 open heart surgeries starting within his first week of life. We went to regular ultrasound appointments to monitor his condition before birth. His condition did not worsen in utero and the outcome was very hopeful for him.
The pregnancy was glorious and no problems occurred. We decided to have a natural birth and ultimately wanted an unassisted home birth (ucbirth.com). With Vincent's heart problem, he was to be fine during the pregnancy and a natural labor was fine also for him. He wouldn't have any health problems occurring until after he was born and his heart started to change from the in utero function to normal functioning that occurs a few hours or so after birth. He would need to go into a NICU to keep his heart functioning as it does in utero until surgeries would start. We discussed with his doctors to allow us bonding time with him right after birth and before the NICU procedures would start and got this all documented in writing. Because of the possibility of Vincent needing emergent care after being born, we decided to have him born in the hospital.
We had an amazing birth. The birds were singing in the morning. It was very exciting and a happy day. We stayed home almost the whole time before heading to the hospital. I even had a kiddie pool set up in the house to labor in. Ralph held my hand during contractions and I felt fine just having his love for support. It was not painful at all until the very end when he emerged, and even then it was immediately fine once he was born. We were only at the hospital for an hour and a half before Vincent was born. No anesthesia was used or interventive measures taken. He was born at 12:43 am on April 5th 2005. He had a head full of beautiful soft brown hair and weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces. It was so joyful and I wish it lasted forever.
Immediately after Vincent was born the doctor took him to the warmer and realized he had another complication to his health called a Trachial Esophagial Fistual (TEF) (eatef.org). Vincent was taken to the NICU immediately to start his procedures. A woman carried him out of the room and Candace asked why didn't Ralph get to hold him? Why isn't Ralph holding him? But she was ignored the lady left with Vincent and Ralph never held his son. We never got to hold him or see what he looked like before he went into ICU. Ralph chased after them into ICU. This wasn't the agreement we had gone to the hospital under. We had been fooled. Candace was in bed by herself for hours all alone in the hospital room waiting to see her baby. She went into shock being separated from her baby and was left alone after painful invasive medical procedures were done to her. When Candace finally saw him, he had tape on his face holding tubes in place, so you could only see part of his face. She couldn't hold him and could barely reach to touch his head and was in extreme pain from sitting in the wheelchair getting stitches and basically being tortured by medical staff after the birth and the baby was taken away. She could only be with him for a short while before having to go to lie down but unable to sleep. It would be at least a week before they would sleep or eat properly.
Nine hours after his birth he was transferred to the Children's Hospital (thechildrenshospital.org) and Candace was released from the hospital also. We weren't allowed to go with Vincent in the ambulance, so we met them at the hospital. The hospital made us wait in the waiting room for hours and didn't let us see him or know what was going on with him. It was painful to sit for hours after giving birth and awful to not know what was happening to our child, if he was even ok. The doctors at Children's Hospital explained TEF to us and said that it was pretty straightforward and a fixable problem. It did not seem to be a major concern. We finally saw him and he looked worse than at the delivery hospital.
Vincent was scheduled to have his first surgery procedure that day before he was one day old. Vincent had a 7 hour surgery that involved opening a value in the heart and dying the veins of the heart to enable the doctors to see how everything was formed. They found out after this procedure that Vincent's heart had a complex array of veins going to his heart that was unusual. Vincent came out of surgery just fine sometime near 3am.
Vincent was then scheduled for his first open heart surgery that afternoon. It was a 10 hour surgery with 15 surgeons involved. He was now one day old. This procedure was going to put him on a bypass machine and the doctors would connect the veins in the heart to function a little better, place bands on the pulmonary veins to regulate the pressures in the lungs, disconnect the esophagus from the trachea and place a feeding tube from his stomach to the outside of his body that would also keep his stomach from getting blown up with air from the lungs.
The doctors were uneasy going into this surgery because it was so intense. They had seen babies with 2 of his problems before but not all three. They work on a 25 point scale at the hospital rating the complexity of a baby's problem, 1 being low and 25 the highest. Most babies are a 7 on this scale, Vincent is a 24.5. During the surgery, the doctors realized they had never seen a baby like him before. Vincent's heart had formed a separate chamber they discovered. Everything went extremely well. The doctors were ecstatic afterwards. They told us that Vincent was a fighter and that usually during surgery with any of the heart babies, they try to die but with Vincent he was strong and wanted to live. The doctors also said how that despite the complexity of Vincent's internal workings, everything went so well and was quite simple in the end. The TEF was different than they had thought before though, and they told us how it was more complex for the surgeons, and would be completely fixed during another surgery after the heart was stabilized completely. They did not close Vincent's chest after this surgery to keep it from swelling and warned us that infection was a concern during his critical condition for the next couple days. He was put on a paralyzing medication to keep him stable also. Candace wiped blood out of his hair that was caked on him.
Just a few hours later in recovery, he declined in his stabilization. He was put on epinephrine to keep him going. The doctors realized that there were conflicting surgeries that needed to be done to help Vincent. His TEF was more complicated than they had realized and was a challenge for the surgeons. He would need to have part of his colon used to form the esophagus which was very dangerous, or his stomach moved up to his neck or an opening made at his neck or a tracheostomy done. With a tracheostomy, a heart transplant wasn't able to be performed because of the introduction of infection. They had a machine he could go on but he wouldn't survive on it and he couldn't continue on the medications they were giving him. He had no more options. Candace held him before he passed away. This was the only time we got to hold him during his life and he was on a paralyzing medication and had blood everywhere. We watched him as his heart stopped beating in our arms.
Everything happened so quickly, it was overwhelming, and difficult to comprehend until it was all over. I think even the doctors had a hard time keeping up with his unusual circumstances and complexities as they kept occurring. We never got a chance to make decisions for our baby until he was passing away. We were kept from giving love to him because of legalities. We were not respected and were ignored as parents and a family. We were treated inhumanely. He passed away on April 7th after a brave and mighty fight for his life. We continue to miss him.
Vincent's memorial service - We had Brahm's Lullaby played during his service. We also had a poem recited by a Chaplin from the Children's Hospital. She had met Vincent during his last moments and said a prayer for him before he passed away. She also said the Hail Mary and did an opening and closing to the ceremony. Candace and I said a eulogy to honor Vincent. We had the lyrics to Lord of the Dance printed on his prayer card. All of the flowers were graciously given by caring friends. There was also a small reception afterwards that was coordinated by friends. We had Vincent's remains placed inside a musical, stuffed giraffe that plays Brahm's lullaby. We had played the giraffe for Vincent while Candace was pregnant and while he was in the hospital for him to recognize. Here is his eulogy we wrote for him.
RALPH Reads:
Thank you so much for coming. It means so much to Candace and I to know that people care about Vincent. Candace and I, we have each other, but Vincent was everything to us. He was our family and all we really had other than each other. So all of your kindness is appreciated no matter how small because we need to know that Vincent mattered to others who are caring. We need to feel the support of kindness no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, it is great to us. So again, thank you for being here with us today.
Vincent Sage was such a beautiful baby. He filled us with joy for 9 months before we got a chance to even meet him. We could not wait to see what he looked like when he was born and wanted to hold him and share our love with him and have special moments together. We had even named him before he was conceived. Candace and I were thrilled to be parents and Candace felt so beautiful to be a mother and have such a sweet baby to love and love her. We knew Vincent might not be with us as long as most people are in the world, but we really did not prepare for such a short time with him. We know he loved us and that he knew when we were close by him. We were so happy that he loved us and wanted to see what we looked like enough to open his eyes before his first surgery and look into our eyes. Even if he had lived the longest of lives, we would not have had enough time or opportunities to show him how much we love him and what he means to us. There is never enough time in a lifetime to show someone all of your love when your love is so great for him it overflows from every cell.
We know he fought to stay alive in the world and he did not want to leave us, just as we did not want to let him go. His incredible might has inspired us to be better and stronger people with more confidence and not to put up with any inhumanity in the world, but rather to be a light in the world and continue to spread kindness and love into the world like Vincent has. As humans, we seem to accept the unacceptable sometimes with behavior and actions that we should not want to be a reflection of our society.
CANDACE Reads:
Vincent has opened my heart just like I knew he would to a greater capacity to love, which I know I needed and was looking forward to after some of the great hurts I had experienced in this life in my past. I felt like it had been hard to open myself to the extent that I used to be able to and I am thankful for Vincent to help me to heal even though there is new sadness. I knew having Vincent would give me joy I had never before experienced and be life changing. I experienced such an internal transformation just during the pregnancy with Vincent and I am not yet sure of all the ways his life will impact me as a person and my life to come. I know he taught me to have more confidence and strength and to trust in myself and my instincts no matter what obstacles face me in life. I will forever be changed by his life and be grateful to have had such a loving son.
Vincent was kind and gentle and compassionate and he was born showing us such liveliness and vigor and spunk. His virile spirit definitely filled a purpose by joining our family even if it has not been fully revealed to us yet. He is lucky to not have to suffer through years of this harsh world, as it can be sometimes and during his two-day stay, he endured more than most of us will in our lifetimes. He is peaceful now, and does not have to struggle with every breath anymore. We are sorry he had such a hard time here but so glad we were able to be a part of his life and that he was in ours. We will forever cherish his beautiful birth, sharing the pregnancy with him and the small moments we could share while he was with us. He was so important to our family. We love you Vincent Sage and will always think of you and will hold you close in our hearts forever.